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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying “sorry breaking up with you” or that a minute later she text me back “sorry wrong number.”
I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, poverty can’t buy you anything.
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.