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So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it`s just a diagnosis.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
Good job on the speed traps, cops – How are the murderer traps coming along?
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
When your wife says she needs a new broom it`s best not to ask if she broke the last one in a crash landing.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......