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I don`t know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...
I`m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
Life Tip: Hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
I`m under the weather today, also so is everyone else, that`s how weather works.