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Why didn`t Spider-Man`s enemies just move to a city without skyscrapers?
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
Save water- shower with me!
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.