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Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
Thanks to Facebook, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
That awkward moment when you’re laughing so hard, you accidentally hit your head on something..
Note to Self: In future interviews, don`t say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.
I know the voices ain`t really, but man, do they ever come up with some great ideas.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.