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Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
People that say “money doesn’t buy happiness” obviously have never been divorced.
So what if I`m single now ... I mean it can`t be that hard to boil toast, can it?
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
that annoying manager who thinks they are god ... you are not ... you are a douche box
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
Subway only exists because we`re all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. "Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here`s $8."