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There are 2 types of people that annoy me: Drunk people, when I`m sober. Sober people, when I`m drunk.
Never trust a skinny chef
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
Adding “and sh!t” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half diagonally...........Listen,, I don`t make the rules people.
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
*calling pizza place* "Hello?" Your pizza tastes like cardboard "Are you sure you`re not eating the box again?" *long pause* *click*