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I may look like I`m doing nothing, but in my head I`m quite busy.
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that`s my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.
I really like compliments but I don`t want anyone talking to me...
A mistress is something between a Mister and a mattress.
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
I hate it when a dog starts barking and then every other dog nearby retweets him.
It`s impossible to get a parking ticket if you don`t have windshield wipers.
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.
To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point