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You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
I’m too young to be too old for everything.
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
My Ex-Wife: Our relationship is like being in prison! ME: I don’t think so. People have sex in prison.
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
I just want to be perfect... Nah just kidding, I love being weird
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
Just read someones status, "Today is the frist day of your life," Thats just stupid, mine was over 45 years ago.. If it was the frist day of your life you wouldn`t be able to read it... Dummy
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"