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"Fidget Spinners are so dumb pointless." -The generation that purchased over 5 million Pet Rocks.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How´d that work out for him?
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
You know what’s easy? ... Opening another beer
Nice try, self-checkout lane. There`s not even any mirrors.
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
I just threw up my weekend.
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
In the morning there`s a huge difference between 6:00 and 6:05.
Of course I`m crazy, but that doesn`t mean I`m wrong