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AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
I’m sad when my food is over.
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it, now I live in constant fear.
Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don`t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
I didn`t have access to Facebook for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
Some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk & some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk.
I`m on that “Starts tomorrow” diet.
I stop at random Jehovah`s Witness houses and drop off copies of Rolling Stone.
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.