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You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
Next time you take your dog for a walk pretend he`s solving a mystery.
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
Sorry I said "at least it`s healthy" when you asked me how cute your baby was.
If someone doesn`t return your texts, relax and remember they`re probably just busy not liking you.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true.
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now
Our parents did the same sh!t too, they`re just liars.
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.
You know a woman really loves you when she vandalizes your car after an argument.