Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I spend too much money on food to afford any diet program...
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
I’m no Dr. Phil, but I bet if you tell at least 5 people to f*ck off today, you’ll feel better.
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.
Neil Armstrong was the first human being to step foot on the moon. Neil A. backwards spells "Alien"
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.