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Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
It`s finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
I wonder how often I’ve narrowly avoided death without even noticing.
It`s going to be so disappointing if we ever ask aliens about crop circles and they`re just like, "We really hate corn."
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.
Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.
I`m great at balloon animals. You should see my eel, snake, and worm.
Who ever says "words can`t hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary.