Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
When I go to the gas station I always get two kinds of drinks so it appears I actually have a friend..I think they`re catching on though.
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
Thinking about waking up early for a run. Mostly thinking about how I will not be doing that.
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot. I didn`t even know I had a wife.
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation I’m having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....