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You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."
There should be a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
Shout out to weathermen telling us the barometric pressure like we know what the hell to do with that information.
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
Sometimes the only reason I leave my house is so when someone asks about my day I don’t have to say “Netflix and avoiding responsibilities"
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"
I’m glad to know that we will never have to worry about a lack of weathermen. I mean, I know at least a couple dozen on Facebook.