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I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let`s try to leave better kids for our planet.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn`t let you skip.
Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
Picture a scavenger hunt where the only items on the list are "your house keys" and "your house." Well, son, that`s what drinking is like.
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.