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I’ll call it a “smart phone” the day I yell, “Where’s my phone?!” and it answers, “I’m here! Under your covers!”
Just noticed there`s no comma in "Bed Bath & Beyond" and honestly, a bed bath would solve a lot of my problems.
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
there`s only 2 things in life you have control in changing that is your attitude and a kids diaper.. which at times both can be the equivalent of the other..
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
I need to do laundry so bad I`m actually wearing Christmas stockings
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.
I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.
It is impossible to simultaneously keep up a) hope and b) with the Kardashians.
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?