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Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
Has anyone seen where I put my organizational skills?
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
Iām the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
Maybe if I tilt my head to the side I can understand English ā dogs
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
I am not saying you are stupid, because I thought you already knew
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.