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Marco Polo must really hate sitting near a swimming pool.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor`s house is genius.
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the self-checkout section.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you`re on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up