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I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
I drink because people talk.
Just been wondering what "please Do Not Touch" would be in Braille
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.