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Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
Some people are more confused then a chameleon in a packet of Skittles.
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
Light travels faster than sound.. That is why some people appear bright until they speak.
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
"Last man standing" is the winner in most contests, but the runner up in musical chairs.
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
Next time a guy says he wants to fight you, just say "not in that outfit!" and roller skate away
24 hours in a day.. 24 beers in a case.. coincidence?
I got a job at Bath and Body Works just so I can tell people to smell my finger...
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.