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wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
Stress balls work best when you shove them down somebody`s throat.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
Farted in my wallet, Now I have gas money.
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
I would know if I was insane, the voices would tell me.
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.