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You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
I`m going to hell in every religion!
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Actually told a girl who`s moving to France soon that "there`s lots of French people over there". It`s a wonder how I can even bathe myself.
Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.