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I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
My fake plant died because I didn`t pretend to water it
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
why me is me ?
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
I hate that little line of dirt that I can never get into the dust pan.
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
The point is... Is Imma hug you like a panda nd you`re gunna like it.!(:
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers