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everybody has a girlfriend or boyfriend, and i`m just over here like `i love food`.
It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
I wouldn`t say I`m an alcoholic. I`d slur it.
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
Was just thinking …. What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
When I was a boy, Mom would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I would get 5 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, some cheese and 6 eggs. You can`t do that now, to many damn security cameras!
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!