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Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
Unless you discovered a dead body, I don`t want to hear about your morning jog.
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
Has anyone seen where I put my organizational skills?
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
Make your girlfriend scream your name, leave the toilet seat up.
Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you`re in Starbucks.
The problem with today`s children is that today`s parents are idiots.
Just once I want someone to make a movie that’s sideways on the screen so I can watch it laying down without getting a kink in my neck.
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
When someone tells you they`re playing a STD game... But you later realise they were talking about Spot The Difference.