Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sent my ex a card that said, "Get better soon." He`s not ill, just really crappy in bed.
I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
Revenge is not in my plans. You`ll f*ck yourself on your own.
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.
I don’t know who or what is doing it, but one day I will find the thing that continues to steal one sock and destroy it.
Back in my day we had 9 planets.