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Met a girl for a first date and quickly found out that her version of "Do you want to go downtown?" is vastly different than mine.
Waiter: Would u like ur coffee black sir? Me: What other colors do u have?
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
When I was growing up the TV was my nanny.
I pretend to like people everyday. It`s called being an adult. That`s why we`re allowed to buy booze.
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
Find someone who is honest, laughs when you make fun of them, and then give each other orgasms.
I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn`t like it.
I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!
Fun Fact: You can win all arguments with your man by putting on yoga pants and walking away.
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
Think we could get the North Korean hackers to end "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"?
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.