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If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
Dating would be a lot easier if the opposite sex had a tail. That way, I could see if it was wagging or not after I did or said something.
My wife has a thing for bringing injured animals home... I think she should just stop driving.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile with my shoes….shoved up your a$$.
Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.
Be nice to your kids. They get to choose your nursing home.
When your wife says she needs a new broom it`s best not to ask if she broke the last one in a crash landing.
I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up.