Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
LISTEN: It was sweet of you to suck the venom out of my snake bite, but if you really loved me... you would have swallowed.
Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.
I`m an optimist. I didn`t lose a sock in the dryer. I found an extra one!
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
"Teeter Totter" is the silliest name for toddler catapults.
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
I`ve never had a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
I`m absolutely nailing this "I give a sh!t" face today!
This year’s box-office revenue is down 20 percent from last summer. I’m not sure why that is, but I`ll bet you there’s a documentary on Netflix about it.
Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we`re pigs.