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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Health tip: There`s never a `safe` time to shake a teenage boy`s hand. Never.
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
When I asked if you had protection, pepper spray isn’t what I meant.
When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.