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Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
Married 24 years now. All I recall about my wedding day is something about death.
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
The filling in this fortune cookies tastes like paper...
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
Who needs the weather network when you have Facebook.
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!