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My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
I built that beach a sandcastle. Beaches love sandcastles.
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
I learn something new every day that I didn`t want to know.
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
Childhood is like being drunk: Everyone remembers what you did except you.
Ladies: if you argue with your man naked, you will win every single time.
If money can`t buy happiness what do you pay a hitman with?
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.
I wish life had a “rewind-the-weekend” button.
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone