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Instead of cleaning my house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think " Wow my house looks great"
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
If I could trade places with anyone for a day it would have to be on the day I die. I wouldn`t want to be me on that day.
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Hahaha I’m so sorry. No I’m not.
I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t
When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?
STD`s aren`t like pokémon, your not suppose to catch`em all!