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To those that manufacture and market tight, thin yoga pants to fit college girls; I love you man.
Every woman in this world is beautiful...........except for the ugly ones!
Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
Marriage is for quitters
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy`s laptop
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
I used to think I was overreacting. Now I realize it was a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullsh!t.
9 of 10 voices in my head telI me I `m crazy. One hums ...
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."