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Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
The fox says you need to stop.
Just give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.
Sometimes I think I`m pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sun and poop out air.
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. Twice. From Hulk. On adrenaline rush.
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
Just once I`d like to see a stripper do the "Carlton" on stage.
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally