Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
Everything is so much funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
Is there a phobia for leaving the house when your phone isn`t fully charged? There should be.
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
Apparently, walking up behind a hot guy in the produce aisle with celery in my hand and whispering "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to your God that you`re nowhere near a dildo factory.
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?