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Wanna know what it`s like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
I walked into a bar in my pirate suit and a ships wheel in my pants.... The bartender asked... "Why do you have a wheel in your pants"? I replied "Argh.. it`s driving me nuts".
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
No matter which path you choose, there will always be some asshole in front of you trying to make a left.
As i get older i realize I do a LOT more YOGA...attempting to tie my shoelaces
Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
I would of read and liked your status if it wasn`t like 3 pages long.
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.