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Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
Finally got this fire hydrant open, but there was like, the opposite of fire inside
I was really pissed at my girlfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered she`s imaginary. So I`m good.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!
If you want to go running with me, you`d better be prepared to walk a lot.