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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." ... Shouldn`t there be an "is" in there somewhere?
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
I know the voices aren`t real, but man do they come up with some great ideas.
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I’m going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.
Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.