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So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
Detective: “The victim musta had company. There’s 2 dirty plates in the sink.” If I ever get murdered they’ll think I had 16 people over.
It only takes a second to show a person how much you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik`s Cube to solve it
I`m an optimist. To me, the glass is always half alcohol.
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
Some families are like Snickers Bars. Mostly sweet, with a few nuts!
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial
Life is not like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your a$$ tomorrow.
You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.