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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I`ll kill you all.
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a taxi fill up at a gas station
You can lead a horse to water but I`d rather ride it to the liquor store.
I’m home alone. Time to start my concert.
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.