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What a rip-off. I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.
Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
If you hold out your arms like Frankenstein when walking in a leg brace, people let you cut in line at Starbucks.
Waiter: Would u like ur coffee black sir? Me: What other colors do u have?
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
Men use love to get sex...women use sex to get love...I use coupons to get pizza!
Marriage. When dating goes too far.
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
Without facebook: more sleep, less drama, and a life!
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun..
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
The five stages of Sunday: depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, Netflix
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
Why do single people take advice from other single people? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions
Turns out having boobs only gets you stuff if you don`t have a penis as well.