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My next relationship will be with someone who thinks "Wine" is a perfectly acceptable answer when he asks what`s for dinner.
I’m an only child, and I’m still not the favorite.
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
Sometimes, when dealing with people, you can`t help but stop and think, "Yup, I`m about to get my first assault charge."
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver