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According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with `Go away.`
Apparently there`s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
I wonder how often I’ve narrowly avoided death without even noticing.
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
Hoodie Footie Pajamas from Pajamagram; because nothing tells a girl you love her like giving her something to cover up her body from head to toe before she gets in your bed.
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
I finally found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
Any time you feel lonely, remember, its your fault nobody likes you.
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty