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Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
How do I like my eggs? ... Umm in a cake.
You’re the shampoo in the eyes of my life.
What if the weather talks about us?
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
Sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.` ... what, am I supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
i like boobs
Jingle bells johnny smells, amelia ruled the show, frankies okay, marcus is gay, little mix all the way.. HAY !!!
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the f*ck down. -Bfanch