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Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
Do you know how many poisonous apples I`d have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.
Today`s Facebook forecast: Partly boring, increased drama, and a really good chance of bullsh*t.
I`m not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
The great thing about snow is it makes your lawn look as good as your neighbors.
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house
Iād steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!