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The only way you can be right in an argument with a woman is by admitting you`re wrong.
Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like, hey you, I love you so much, I`m gonna get the government involved so you can`t leave.
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
I’m not a picky eater or anything but I will look at both sides of a Dorito before I eat it to decide if its got a good cheesy dust ratio.
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree ... I think I found my spirit animal.
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
I`m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand
Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He`s obviously an undercover cop.
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?