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I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
That awkward moment when you buy a pack of condoms and your wife ask. what you gonna do with those?
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
I`m obviously smarter than you`re
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
I`ve never done any mistake twice... three, four times may be!
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
Picture a scavenger hunt where the only items on the list are "your house keys" and "your house." Well, son, that`s what drinking is like.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.