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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How´d that work out for him?
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can`t be with them for the holidays. But don`t be jealous.
Just once I`d like a doctor to tell me I`m not getting enough beer in my diet.
Can you imagine if Facebook and Twitter just decided to shut down and you see all these confused people coming out of their house squinting at the sun.
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.
If a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ...I just get in the back seat