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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
Holiday Shopping Tip #112:Next time you see someone with their arms full of bags looking around a parking lot while pointing and clicking their horn button, help them out and start pushing your horn button too!
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
All I`m saying is if I`m not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
You might call it ‘whipped.’ I call it `guy who’s getting laid.’
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
I´m playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they´ll never find me, because they aren´t old enough to drive or get into this bar.
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.