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I’d be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.
If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
I asked my kid “do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It’s so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”
There`s no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
In sign language, arthritis is a speech impediment.
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
People like you remind me how lucky I am that my cell phone provider has a block option! Just sayin.
It’s amazing how much more money I have when I’m drunk.
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
Futons are the most disappointing Transformers ever.
Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
If Facebook has taught us anything, it`s that a lot of people are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee.
Something about summertime brings out the beer guzzling Homer Simpson in me.